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Niari - Journal
The following datalogs were first discovered some twenty years after the death of the Jedi Knight known as Niari. ___TOC___ Datalog Entry 001 I cannot sleep. The doctor onboard the Lusankya informed me that he thought it would be a good idea to put my thoughts down in words. He was hopeful the process would help jumpstart my memory and seemed quite enthusiastic. I am far less convinced. It has now been two days since I disembarked at the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin IV and I have decided to try the doctor’s idea anyways. At this point I feel willing to do anything, though I have very little hope. It is helpful, I am told, to start from the beginning. For most people their beginnings would include their place of birth, their family members, their friends. I have none of these. My beginnings begin two days ago when I woke up in a bacta tank with no memory of who I am. The Jedi on Yavin IV have been accommodating to me – though I fear it is because they consider me a curiosity more than anything else. A girl who cannot remember much but somehow knows how to wield a lightsaber. I have wielded one before, this is apparent, though I do not remember it. None of the Jedi here know me either, and from what I understand the art of wielding a lightsaber is usually taught by Jedi Knights. Three Jedi have been assigned to train me in an attempt to bring me up to date. I can wield what they call “The Force” as well. This seems familiar to me – a good many things have a feeling of familiarity to them, but when I try to think of where I have experienced them before – the feeling is gone. The three Jedi in charge of my training are young, two are humans – Nico and Morco, the third is a Rodian, Ferrago. Both Nico and Morco are quiet and reserved, as are many of the Jedi here – Ferrago is quite the opposite. If anything, he strikes me as quite uncouth and unbecoming of his status. I do not know why this is. I will explore this further. It is to Nico whom I owe my life, though Ferrago played a hand in my rescue. The two found me onboard a ship with an arm cut off and Nico’s quick thinking and healing efforts saved me. The others onboard the ship with me were not as lucky. I will look for an opportunity to pay the both of them back. Though I must confess, sometimes I feel it would have served me better if they let me die. The way I am now – scarred and ugly and with no memory of my past is not a life that I think I will enjoy living. There is another, a young Twi’lek no more than fourteen years of age, named Kya. She seems quite taken with me – she cannot speak but is able to communicate through her lekku in the sign of our kind. She and I, as well as the Jedi Knight Jaden, are the only Twi’lek on Yavin IV that I have met. I suspect this is why Kya has taken to me – as she cannot communicate with anyone else. She is, however, far too young to understand the way the world works – she called me beautiful. I have seen myself in a mirror, I am anything but. The scars on my lekku… The doctor onboard the Lusankya informed me that I could resume bacta treatments to remove the scars – as I had somehow managed to wake up far earlier than they had anticipated. I chose not to – I feel like I deserve this. I have suffered a great deal and there must be a reason why it was me. I deserve this, I feel it, and I will wear my scars as a symbol of whatever past sins I have committed. Datalog Entry 002 It is morning, I have left Jaden, Nico, and Kya in the common room of the Phoenix Sunrise. I was to join them for an early breakfast after I took a shower, but I felt the need to write. Much has happened since my last entry two days ago – all of it within the last twelve hours. I feel the need to set it down – I believe it might be therapeutic. Yesterday evening I was given a lightsaber by Jaden. Or rather, I found it. Jaden had me take a walk, along with my companions, into the jungles outside the Praxeum. Apparently when the Praxeum was attacked (before my arrival) her room was destroyed and much of her collection of lightsabers had been scattered across the surrounding area. The walk was relaxing, though Kya was trying to imitate my katas and wasn’t able to quite manage it. I believe it is because she does not have the height I do – she is still young. I have found that I feel oddly drawn to this girl, almost protective of her. More on that later… I did find a lightsaber, one of Jaden’s old weapons – it looks like it has seen far better days – and from what Jaden shared with us, it likely has. I will not repeat it here as it is her memory to share, not mine. I find myself with this weapon in hand feeling much more relaxed than I have in days. Perhaps because it is mine and it is something tangible to hold onto. If the past week has taught me anything it is that memories, as much as I long for them, are not something physical to hold onto. It is not enough, for instance, for one to remember her family – one must also be able to physically touch them, to hug them, to interact with them, to tell them she loves them. I do not have this luxury so I find myself drawn to things which I do possess. I think this is why the scars I bear are so important to me. Early this morning, far before anyone else onboard the Sunrise was awake – I found myself unable to sleep. I noticed Jaden training out in the rain and I decided to join her. She is a far, far, far better bladeswoman than I can ever hope to be. And while I think I may have been frustrated at this in the past, in this case it was a good thing. I had much anger to work out – and I could do so in a lightsaber duel without worrying about hurting her – the chances of landing a hit on her were impossible. Perhaps one day I will be able to at least give her a good workout, until then I will settle for learning what I can from her. Once we finished dueling, she took me to a grotto outside of the Praxeum that she had become fond of – a small pool fed by a waterfall. I must confess, there is something about rain that is comforting. Perhaps it is what I said before – it has a sense of physicality to it – a thousand tiny fingers touching you and comforting you. Wading into the pool in the rain was relaxing, to say the least. Jaden, however, was unwilling to let me simply relax. And she pressed me to overcome some of the feelings I had been bottling up for the past week. The feelings of guilt, the sense of foreboding – that I had done something terribly wrong to deserve what happened to me… In the end, she broke down some of my walls. And perhaps I was behaving childishly by crying on her shoulder – but it felt good. It felt good to get it off my chest and to be able to confide in someone and to feel someone hug me in sympathy. Words are just words, and over the past week I have heard many express their sympathies – but none had been willing to force the issue in a way that Jaden had. And for that – she will always be important to me. I felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders. And there are still some things I need to work through – but these things will be much easier because Jaden was wise enough to see through the façade I had up around myself. I have, essentially, taken my first step towards… something. I don’t know what it is – but it seems momentous enough to note it. My second step concerned Kya. When she first saw me onboard the Lusankya she said I was beautiful, I essentially told her that she was wrong and that she was a child and had no business telling me such things. I mistook adoration for pity then – something I regret deeply. I will be honest here, as there is no one else that can read these but myself. I do not think I am beautiful. I know I was once – but the scars are all I can see – I cannot fathom how anyone can think I am still beautiful with those vile things marring my lekku. I fully realize this is shallow of me and that true beauty is far more than just appearances – and even externally – lekku aren’t the only standard of beauty – but I just can’t reconcile it with myself. But I still felt the need to apologize for Kya for the way I treated her. So I found her on the Sunrise and offered my apologies – to my relief she accepted them. I believe this brought us closer – I felt a very strong bond between her and myself. It was then she told me what she had done the night before. It is not my memory to share, but suffice to say I will be keeping a close eye on Nico. I find myself very protective of Kya – one that grows with each passing moment – and if Nico should break her heart, he and I will have words – to say the least. I do know that he is a good person at heart, I can feel it – I just hope he recognizes what a special girl Kya is and treats her as such – and treats her as she is – not what she was. If there was anyone who I would wish my memory loss on – it would be her – there are memories I wish she did not have to carry. To her credit she refuses to dwell on them and is determined to forge a new life – I can only hope to have a fraction of her inner strength. Datalog Entry 003 I don’t think I’ve ever felt such exhilaration as when I finally managed to score a hit on one of those Interceptors. I had never even had a chance to use the guns onboard the Reek before, so you can only imagine how excited I was. I just want to talk about that – but there is much else to discuss. Things are not going well for the Jedi – as I mentioned before, they had been attacked before I even landed on Yavin IV – and their rebuilding efforts are being hampered by politicians. To compound the loss of finances – there was a shield scheduled to arrive that was late. The leader of the Jedi had tasked myself, Ferrago, Morco, and Nico to seek it out – as they were one of the few that had the independent resources to search for it. Why Master Skywalker asked me to go along, I do not know. But I wasn’t going to question it – I dearly wanted to chance to explore other areas of the galaxy. There is so much I don’t know – watching holotapes and reading books can only take you so far. I need to experience new things for myself. I chose to ride in the Reek with Morco while the others, including Kya, flew on the Phoenix Sunrise. It was a chance to get to know someone I knew very little about – and I found him to be quite engaging – both as a conversationalist and a pilot. And believe me, we had a lot of time to talk amongst ourselves. The Reek is a small ship and there isn’t much else to do while in hyperspace. We did find the Royal Bantha, the ship carrying the shield – but she was under attack by pirates whom we originally mistook for Imperials due to the Interceptor ships they were flying – a remnant of the Empire according to some information our astromech droid, Diver, supplied. Morco and I gave chase, while Ferrago and Nico rushed to rescue the crew of the Bantha before the ship was torn apart. Morco somehow, and I’m not sure exactly how, pushed the Reek to a speed I wasn’t aware it could physically reach – getting me close enough to launch an attack on one of the Interceptors. As soon as I landed a hit, they immediately surrendered – and their transport – a huge frigate jumped to hyperspace. Interrogating the two Interceptor pilots was useless, as it turned out they provided us false information. Ferrago, however, somehow (and I’m convinced it was equal parts luck and talent) managed to dock the Phoenix Sunrise next to the ruins of the Royal Bantha – avoiding a nearby gravity well, asteroids, and floating debris. With the crew onboard we were informed of the theft of the shield by a gungan pirate who goes by the name Jin-Ol. His ship, the Khar Ashim, was currently made berth in a place named Jeel – run by a crime lord of some sort. It is our next stop as we attempt to recover the shield and two of the crew members – a pair of twins that were taken for some unknown reason. The thrill of adventure is upon me, and despite only being able to remember the past week or so – I don’t think I’ve ever felt as alive. Category:Knights of the New Republic